


The desire

by DebbyBacellar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, True Love, grabiel is wonderful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:41:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DebbyBacellar/pseuds/DebbyBacellar
Summary: When we don't talk about how we feel, when we give up what we want, it can destroy us. There isn't always a second chance to rebuild our lives, but if you did it, what would you do?





	The desire

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! My English is pretty horrible and I'm learning on my own so I hope it's at least a little readable. Kisses!

****

 

 

**The desire**

**By Debby Bacellar**

**Chapter 1 - The Destruction**

He remembers every detail of that day, the smell of flowers, the soft breeze of summer, the laughter, the little children running through the garden of the grand Novak mansion, the little girls in flower crowns, and the boys in their exquisite little suits. He remembers the taste of chilled champagne bursting from his tongue, from the feel of his hands to the white, velvety roses that seemed to be everywhere in the large lawn garden. He remembers his brother's gaze, confusion, pity, exasperation. He can only imagine what is going on in Sam's mind now and in capital letters he must have written the sentences: "I warned you. I told you that if you didn’t decide, someone would decide, if you didn’t confess, someone would confess, if you didn’t do something, someone would do.

So someone decided, confessed, and did it.

Because at that beautiful wedding ceremony, he was not the groom. He was not the one who was taking his best friend and the love of his whole life to the altar. It was not he who was receiving the "welcome to the Novak family," nor was he the one who was holding hands with the most perfect man he had ever seen in all this green land of God.

It was not him, because Dean Winchester was a coward and his cowardice made him lose things he always wanted to know what they would be like. Of feeling the taste of the kiss, the warmth of an intimate hug, the body of the other next to his. His fear kept him from being happy, from making Cas happy, and now another brave person knelt in front of Castiel with a perfect ring in the middle of a very expensive restaurant with a view of the Hudson River. Another person has planned the minutest details of this wonderful ceremony, another person is now with his hot and wonderful nerdy librarian. It never happened as Sam predicted when he said that the way they both looked at each other, Destiel was end game.

He hates himself, he hates himself for hating Sebastian, the fiancé, the reason for Cas's smile, because Sebastian is a good man, upstanding, hardworking, kind, and Dean cannot blame Sebastian for the man's visceral hatred for him. Dean is extremely jealous from the moment this relationship began.

He takes a deep breath and goes to the kitchen, he has already tortured himself too much for today.

It is a surprise when he finds Cas, standing there, his hands flat on the black marble island, the golden ring blinking like a beacon in his left hand, a luminous contrast that makes Dean's heart and throat tighten uncomfortably. Cas's scowl is wrinkled, his full, lush lips tightened into a thin line and he looks a little pale.

"Cas?"

Dean asks quietly, approaching slowly. Castiel sighs and slowly looks up at Dean with slightly unfocused eyes. He shakes a little and then Dean realizes that he may have exceeded his dose of drinks.

 

Castiel smiles at him in such a particular way, so theirs, that Dean immediately feels tears clustering in his green eyes.

"I cannot do this, Dean."

Cas says, him lips turning down suddenly, a childish expression of crying, so fucking lovely.

"What you cannot do, Cas?" Dean asked worriedly, sustaining Cas for him shoulders.

"That's it!"

Cas wavess his hands desperately between them.

"I feel so stupid, so horrible. I'm a horrible person, I'm mean, I’m cruel and an asshole."

Then tears are falling incessantly through Cas's eyes and Dean feels the urge to wipe them with his lips, in kisses that would bring comfort to the man with the most beautiful blue eyes, but it would not be appropriate. It was not appropriate to do this when they were friends, and it is far less appropriate now that that friend is married. Dean just hugged him and Castiel clung to him like a little koala, his face hidden in the curvature of Dean's neck, which began to feel the collar of his shirt wetting because of the librarian's tears.

Dean didn’t resist and his fingers willingly stroked his friend's hair affectionately, but that was just a minimal chunk of all the love Dean had hidden in his chest.

"I cannot do this to Sebastian."

Cas whispers, his voice hoarse and swollen with weeping.

"He's so... So good to me, so perfect, but damn, I love you, and it's always been you, just you."

A terrible shock runs through Dean's body and for a minute he stops breathing, his ears whistle and a cold sweat runs down his forehead. He knew. He always knew, but hearing that loud and clear is unlike anything he could have imagined. It is so sublime, but wrong on so many levels. It's a mess, a mess.

Cas starts to struggle in Dean's embrace, now crying seriously. His clenched hands punch Dean's chest, as if they wanted the information to penetrate his soul through his fists. Cas repeatedly murmurs that he loves him.

“I love you I love you! You're an assbut! I always loved you and I will always love you, but you never wanted me, you never took what was yours. You never allowed yourself to love me back.”

Dean's arms tighten around Cas, the cerulean blue-eyed man's arms now fastened to Dean's chest, and suddenly Cas felt weak, his body being held by Dean's strong arms. All Cas's strength seemed to have run out.

The tears that Dean tried not to shed went down, despite his will.

"I love you Cas, I'm sorry I was a coward, but I love you."

Castiel's entire body trembled, the cry increasing in intensity.

"But you'll be happier without me." Dean complete. And it hurts to say it, it hurts physically and emotionally. "Sebastian is a good man."

Castiel sniffs and sighs, the sobbing calming slightly.

"Why didn’t you ever tell me? Did you know that I loved you back? Why didn’t you even try?" Cas asks.

"Because I was afraid to ruin the best part of my life, which is you. I always knew that you loved me, but you know how I am, I fuck everything, I'm poison." Dean grunts.

"That's not fucking true!" Cas speaks rather enraged.

"Cassie, Lisa and Ana." Dean lists almost mechanically. "I was a lousy boyfriend for Cassie and Lisa and Ana is never going back and it's my fault."

"It was not your fault, Dean, it was an accident, how many times am I going to have to repeat that Ana got the car and drove drunk, assuming there was a possibility of getting hurt and hurting other people, so the responsibility of the accident is not yours, It's her. She took the risk. You couldn’t do anything different."

"She's dead, Cas." Dean murmurs in a whisper. "She got drunk because we fought for shit, and she died. How can you say it's not my fault? How could you want someone like me?"

Cas is silent for a while, tears drying as he passes the sleeves of his suit on his face.

"Someone like you? What do you mean by that? You are a noble man, Dean, you spend your life going into burning buildings and saving people, you take care of your family with so much love and I don’t understand why you don’t allow yourself to be happy."

"Happiness is overrated." Dean jokes, making a joke dull.

Cas reaches out and touches Dean's freshly shaved cheek.

"It may even be Dean, but life is too short. Regrets will only take you down and one day you will blink and you will see that time has passed and if you continue wallowing in guilt you will come to the end alone, and I want to that you promise to at least try to be happy, for me, for the life we could have had, but that we will not have. "

Cas is determined, his tense expression making Dean's legs feel like jelly.

"Promise!" Cas speaks louder as Dean jumps slightly.

"I promise to try, okay?" Dean speaks softly.

"Well enough." Cas breathes deeply, wipes away any trace of tears from his face and holds Dean's head, his big hands cradling the taller man's cheeks, giving a closed-lipped kiss to his mouth. "I love you." Cas whispers. "Please be happy, Dean Winchester."

They lean their foreheads against each other and then finally pull away.

Cas returns to his husband and Dean to his sea of sadness and loneliness.

It's strangely amazing how everything changed without really having changed.

(***)

 

Dean leaves the party and enters his impala. He drives for miles until he parks beside an empty road and then he cries. He cries like a baby for hours and hours, until his tears dry, until he doesn’t have the strength to stop the involuntary sobs that sweep over his body.

Love, he thinks, is the most sublime form of torture. He let go the love of his life for knowing that he was not able to make him happy and now he feels half dead, but time doesn’t stop, life doesn’t pause and lost opportunities can never be rescued. Dean gets lost in tears and tears again.

 

(***)

**Five years later**

 

Dean moved out. He couldn’t stand being near Cas and seeing every day how his best friend was happy but at the same time incomplete. Because he knew, he felt Castiel's love for him in every time those beautiful baby blue eyes stared at him. He knew that the love still remained alive in every small gesture aborted, in every soft word.

Dean couldn’t bear to see the pics of the happy couple on his facebook or his instagram timeline, he couldn’t bear to hear his friends' comments about how the newlyweds were perfect for each other. He couldn’t stand the pitying look of his own family any longer. His father, his mother and Sam knew that he love Cas, not only as a friend, and it was horrible.

Today is four years ago Dean left the great metropolis and came to live in a small town called Lebanon. He has his home away from downtown, an area where he creates his two labrador puppies. He works at the city's fire department. There is almost never any work to be done unless it is to answer the call of a poor old lady begging for the ransom of her little felines who climbed trees and didn’t know how to get down or dry grass burning in the pasture.

Dean heard from Sam that Cas is expecting their first baby. It's a boy. The surrogate is a woman named Hanna, and Dean is bewildered. The fireman is sinking in whiskey every time he imagines this baby being his and Cas's.

Each time he imagines swapping dirty diapers and taking the kid to football, every time he dreams of stuffing their munchkin of candy while Cas complains and gets mad at him, because like Sam, Cas is all for health food and exercise .

And they would fight over names and education. Cas would want the kid to have a more formal education and Dean would want the boy to be normal and fit in, but Dean is sure that in the end they would understand. And he knew, God, he knew with every drunk cell of his body that he and Cas would be good parents.

He thinks he may be a functional alcoholic now, but he is too scared to ask for help. He knows he has clinical depression, diagnosed, but ignored. He is no longer in therapy and his psychologist Tessa Nollan is beginning to question his ability to keep his job.

He pretends very well, however, and his family doesn’t know the gravity of his situation.

 

(***)

 

When Ethan Novak is born things get worse for Dean. He received a photo on his smartphone from an ecstatic Castiel holding the small bundle of joy in his arms, his eyes misty with tears and his face covered by the hospital mask. Dean sends the congratulations, because one part of him is happy for Cas, but the other one died a little more.

He returns to Tessa, but the medications don’t seem to work and the intensity of the way he drinks worsens.

_It was to be our son. It was to be our life._ Dean thinks.

He mutters incessantly as he lies in a puddle of his own vomit, the empty whiskey bottle lying next to his head.

_“I still love you so much, Cas.”_

(***)

 

Dean is half drunk when he enters the night shift at the Fire Station. He wears his uniform and starts his shift waiting for another boring night.

At 11:00 pm he gets a call. A small antique shop is on fire. Dean runs there with his team. When he arrives, he receives information that the owner's father is a blind old man and has not left the building yet. The owner of the antiquarian is desperate calling for his father. Dean receives his captain's permission and enters the building, ready to search, but careful in his walk. It's hot as hell, the sound of crackling porcelain exploding in the heat is strange and disturbing. Dean walks with his team, scattering the place in search of the victim.

Dean finds the old man quickly and carries him on his lap, his light weight not slowing him down. There is thick smoke in all directions and the old man repeatedly asks for his cat.

Dean manages to leave the building with the old man and his team, but almost at the exit he sees the cat cornered in a corner, a wooden shaft burning near his paws. He is a small, white thing, the cat's blue eyes make him swallow hard to immediately remember Cas's gaze.

He leaves the old man outside where a team of paramedics quickly perform the first aid and he returns to pick up the cat, moving away the burning piece of wood and picking up the small animal in his lap.

The cat, however frightened, is docile and curls itself against Dean's chest. When he returns to the exit, a wall collapses in front of the door. He jumps backwards through the fright and dust, the cat jumps out of his arms and runs in an indistinguishable direction between the flames and smoke.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

There are only two exits in the building and Dean runs towards the other, a clash of adrenaline and despair making him alert and focused.

When he almost reached the second exit, which would be in the side street, another explosion takes place in the building, throwing him on the opposite wall. His body hits hard against the hot concrete, his head buzzing and his eyes whitening behind the eyelids. A nagging pain runs through the left side of his abdomen.

He falls on his butt, dizzy, and sickened by the growing smell of smoke. He screams so loudly in pain that he can feel his vocal cords fail.

When his eyes can see beyond agony, he looks in the direction of the focus of pain, from where it spreads like waves to the rest of his body.

A piece of iron is running through his belly, blood already piling up around the wound. He grunts and tries to get up, but the pain stops him immediately. If there was no way out he had to create one, but his pick is not in sight and he cannot even get up. He looks around fearfully and realizes that the new debris created by the explosion blocks the second exit.

_I'm going to die here._

He suddenly thinks with more resignation than he should.

 

Something falls off the shelf above his head directly into his legs, and is strangely icy. A gray arabic lamp filled with soot that could be gilt or silver, he will probably never know, rests between his hands innocently. It's a cosmic joke, Dean thinks. His throat burns and he knows he's about to faint from inhaling smoke, and when he loses his senses he'll never wake up again. He only hopes to die before the flames reach him.

With nothing to lose, he scrubs the object with the thick cloth of his outfit, the yellow cloth with flourishing strips pulling out the soot and showing just how simple the object designer is. He expects nothing. He really doesn’t expect anything, but a wind blows around the antiquarian, the feeling that settles in is cool and refreshing, and this causes the smoke to dissipate and the flames crackle in slow motion. Maybe he's dying right now and that's the hallucination of a dying man.

He has read in articles that brain chemistry changes seconds before a person dies and that some people experience the sensation of paradise. Maybe that's it, maybe he has a glimpse of a peace he doesn’t deserve, but that he craves with all the strength of his being.

He swallows and sees with astonishment a white smoke coming out of the beak of the lamp, gathering in front of him and materializing right there. Fuck.

He thought for just a second that he would see a blue, fat genie as in Aladdin, but what he was seeing was frightening. Maybe it was a demon, a ghost, maybe that shit was to eat him alive even before the flames could consume his body. The cry caught in his throat, but his eyes cataloged the figure independent of his will.

It was cadaverous. Pieces of white hair hung in a half-eaten bald spot, there were no eyes, only two black holes in an empty orbit. His mouth was open, full of sharp, pointed teeth, black smoke puffing out. The thing didn’t wear anything, its skeletal body did not even show its kind, like the fucking one of Ken doll. The nails were long and yellow and could cut off a head if they wanted.

"Despicable human." The thing whispered, his tongue licking cracked and dry lips. "Why dare you wake me from my rest?" he speaks, his head tilted to the side. Dean has the feeling that the creature can see him perfectly even if he doesn’t have eyes.

The fireman has no answer, his voice just doesn’t work. His heart beats in his chest so hard he can almost feel it in his temples and his fingertips.

The thing approaches him then, standing face to face. Dean would think such ugliness would bring a breath that smelled of sulfur and fire, but it strangely smells of cinnamon and herbs that Dean cannot name.

The creature smells him and Dean stands still, making himself a harmless prey. Shit. Dean is the prey harmless.

The shriveled hands go to Dean's hair, gently passing in a parody of affection.

 

"How much suffering, human." The thing says suddenly, the face wrinkled.

“I smell your pain. Your withdrawal. When people came to me in the past, it was always about power, wealth or lust, and I despised them so much. It is interesting that the desire of your heart is something you could have achieved if you had just said something, if you had just said yes."

Unintentional tears run down Dean's face. Oh heavens, it hurts so much. His belly burns, but somehow the words sound like a much worse pain, like needles piercing his heart.

“To do what you wish, human, I would have to sacrifice myself. That would cost all my power. That's all I've been for ages.”

Dean widens his eyes, but it's confusing, because even he doesn’t know exactly what he wants, but the creature that seems to read minds responds for him.

"You want the time back, but what if I give you this and you fail again?"

The thing grins its teeth in warning.

"If you cower and not grasp your happiness with both hands, I will curse you." "Oh no, no." he smiles suddenly, and is cruel and mean.

Dean has honest fear in his heart. "You don’t care what happens to you, you foolish human." then the creature snaps its fingers. "But you care about the ones you love."

"If you fail again, you will not fail with me, you will fail with them, for I will take all of them as my pay, John, Mary, Samuel, and Castiel.

Dean shook his head.

"I didn’t ask you for anything." Dean talks between his teeth for the first time throughout the monologue.

The creature smiles sweetly.

"Oh, you asked, not with your mouth." the creature runs his fingernails through Dean's lips. "But your heart cries out louder than the voices of a whole multitude."

"How could you sacrifice yourself and curse my family at the same time?" Dean asks, shaking.

"Because your desire undoes me and remakes me. Here, you and I will disappear, we will disappear from that time, give up these people, this world, and we will go back to where you want to be, and where I can be whole again."

The creature speaks softly.

"But I will remember this deal, because I see the past and the present, and I will know the future into here, but nothing beyond this moment. Say yes, human, say yes to me and I will grant the desire of your heart." the creature whispers invitingly

 

"What do you want in return?" Dean asks, realizing that the flames are burning a little faster again, the heat is coming back into his sweat-soaked clothes.

"I've been fed by the worst feelings over the ages, the desires were petty, it's going to be so good to feed me happiness for the first time in my life, I've never tasted it and I want to, human, I want to feel it in my body, this force, this beauty.”

Dean frowns.

"You will not suck my fucking joy! Get out!" Dean screams and the creature laughs.

"That's not how it works, fool. The happier you are, the stronger I will be. We'll stay connected until I decide to free you."

"And when you get sick of me? Am I going to lose everything?"

"Not by my hands. Your happiness will depend solely on your actions, so I believe that if you cultivate it, you will have it as long as you live."

"You promise?" Dean asks, a reminder of Cas asking him to promise something he didn’t fulfill resounding in his mind.

"I promise."

The world seems to stop spinning for a moment. It's surreal and unbelievable, maybe he's just dying, but he knows exactly what he should say now.

"Yes, I say yes."

The creature tosses his head back and a white glow comes out of his mouth, a loud, high-pitched sound makes Dean's ears bleed and he screams in despair as deep pain invades every inch of his body, then as fast as it began, it ends.

The world around Dean Winchester disappears in an explosion of light, because sometimes it is necessary to destroy to remake.

 

(***)

**Chapter 2 – The new Beginning**

 

Dean wakes up in a warm, cozy place. He feels calm and briefly is not thinking of anything. That moment is the best of his mornings, when he wakes up, but the mind has not yet followed the body and everything seems hazy and lukewarm.

He blinks slowly and looks around his room.

The bedroom in his apartment. In Manhattan.

Then suddenly all the memories come to the surface, the drunkenness, the depression, the fire, the fucking genius / ghost / weird demon of the lamp. He could not have dreamed years and years of misery and suffering, not with such a definition of detail. Some unspeakable part of him screamed at him that yes, it was all true, this was happening, this was real, or he had died and that was his heaven. He doesn’t want to think deeply about it.

He reaches up and grabs his smartphone on his bedside table. The year is 2017 but he could not be in 2017 because when he went to sleep yesterday it was 2023. He swallows, heart pounding. He can only be going crazy. That should be the only explanation, but before he can freak himself out about it, his cell phone rings in his hands and he almost lets the phone fall on the bed, like it was a hot potato.

A fantastic picture of Cas wearing a wool hat with two hanging braids appears, the odd shape of the knitted monkey was funny. Dean remembers buying it early in the winter as a joke to the librarian, but was surprised when his friend wore that hat to go almost everywhere for all season.

Dean slides his thumb on the green icon and answers the call.

"Good day Mr. firefighter." Cas speaks smiling. He's a little breathless, so he's probably been running since the crack of dawn. An involuntary smile spreads across Dean's face.

"Good morning, Mr. nerd librarian."  Dean responds in the same playful tone. A weight suddenly seems to come out of your heart and it sits properly to hear more of that delicious voice.

“Guess what? The nerd librarian here have a date." Cas talks and the weight comes back instantly. He suddenly remembers this conversation. He recalls that he encouraged Cas to go to. He remembers Castiel later sending a pic of two different clothes and asking which one made him look better. He never forgot that, because it was on this day that Cas met Sebastian.

Dean's heart quickens.

_Be brave, be brave, hell._

He swallows hard. Cas calls Dean's name a question. He seems to have been thinking too much time instead of responding.

"Dean, is there something wrong?" The blue-eyed man asks with concern.

Dean takes a deep breath. He would have preferred to do it himself, eyes in the eye, but to tell the truth when it really happened the first time, Cas was drunk, had just married and was the beginning of death for Dean's soul. It is not the first time Dean has spoken these words to the librarian, but if everything is as he suspects, Cas doesn’t remember having another life, another family, even a child with another person.

"Don’t go." Dean talks. This is said between clenched teeth, clenched fists and vitreous gaze, a long memory of all that was his life without Cas passes as a burst of pain in his mind. "Don’t go, Cas.

Dean can imagine the expression on Castiel's face now, his brow furrowed in genuine concern and his lips tight.

 

"Dean, seriously, what's wrong, why should not I go?" he asks.

"You're going to make me say it, so I'll tell you, Castiel Novak. I fucking love you, damn it, and if you go to some fucking shit date tonight, it'll be with me."

Dean speaks loudly, almost shouting. Castiel is speechless for a full minute and Dean looks fearfully at the cell phone screen, thinking that the call has dropped or worse, that Cas has hung up.

"Why… Why would our date have to be a shit?" Cas asks, his tone dazed.

“What?... Cas! Of all the things I said, was that what you paid attention to?” Dean speaks in a lament worthy of a five-year-old.

"Well, you'd be an idiot if you didn’t know that I love you too, that can be seen from Mars, probably. But I don’t think we'd have a “fucking shit date”. I already know that you farts when eating tacos, so I wouldn’t take you to eat Mexican food.” Cas says and starts laughing softly. It's adorable and ridiculous.

“Terrible way to spoil the romanticism.” Dean joins the laughter and then both are laughing on the phone like two crazy people.

Dean can hear the traffic sounds and soon Cas gasps in the line as if he has been running again. An inaccurate time passes between their crazy laughter. Is it his impression or is this an elevator sound?

"So..." Dean says slowly. "You're going on a date…" The rest of his speech was cut off by the knocking on the door.

“Open the door, Dean.” Castiel speaks loudly, his voice chanting through the door of the room and for the telephone.

Dean scrambles up, disengaging himself from the duvet and falling on his ass. He lifts up quickly, his feet taking him hastily through the room and front door. He barely notices that he is wearing only a tight black boxer briefs. He opens the door violently. Cas stands there, handsome and sweaty, his workout clothes showing off his powerful thighs and _hello biceps_. He had a wonderful smile on his face and the phone was still hanging.

"I'm going to a date with you tonight, but it will not be a shit." Cas responds still smiling, and then Cas is throwing himself in Dean and Dean holds him in a tight hug. They move away, but they keep on touching, Cas's hands going through Dean's muscular freckled shoulders as Dean's hands rise to caress Cas's hair. They stare each other, time seems to stop and there are only two of them.

"I love you so much. Damn, Cas. I love you so fucking much." Dean talks and he could suffocate if he didn’t say those words now. Cas smiles and is so sweet and smooth. His blue eyes seem to shine in a different way now, as Dean had never seen before. There is completeness there. There is a longing that has finally been satiated.

"I love you too, Dean."

And then they're kissing. It isn’t chaste, it isn’t delicate. It is voracious and devouring and their tongues are fighting a battle with no winners. Cas's taste is divine. Dean moans in the back of his throat, his hands clenching the librarian's hair tight. Cas's fingernails scratch Dean's back from the top to the bottom, while Cas pushes Dean back and separates only for a second to kick the closed entrance door.

They kiss again, hands traveling through each other's bodies, clothes disappearing along the way. When they get to the bedroom it's just the two of them, naked and full of desire.

Dean lays Cas gently on the middle of the bed and takes a deep breath, admiring the beauty that Castiel is. Cas is so handsome. It is breathtaking. He is flushed and hard, his penis spreading upward, nestled in a well-trimmed bunch of dark hair, a pearly drop gathering on the glans. Dean licks his lips. He wants to prove it whole. He wants to consume it and be consumed by this man.

He lies on top of Cas, and every part of them fit. Cas sighs and Dean seizes the opportunity to kiss him again. The fireman's kisses slide down Cas's jaw and neck, down to the well-delineated chest, to the navel, giving little provocative bites. Cas moans and his hand goes to Dean's hair, squeezing desperately, forcing him down.

"Please, please, Dean." Cas begs.

"Please, what, love?" Dean asked provocatively.

Cas doesn’t say the words, his face is flushed with embarrassment, but he raises his hip from the bed suggestively, his cock swaying in front of Dean's face as the green-eyed man licks the lips and smiles lasciviously.

"Is that what you want, babe?" Dean whispers. "May I kiss you here?" then Dean kisses the inside of Cas's left thigh. Cas sighs and moans softly. "Or here...?" Dean licks long from the thigh, climbing up to the groin and Cas moaning louder this time. "Or maybe here?" he licks Cas's long cock from the base to the head and Cas convulses slightly. Shortly afterwards Dean closes his mouth around Cas erect limb and stops teasing, Dean’s mouth sliding until he feels the glans beat in the back of his throat, sucking and wrapping his tongue around.

Cas starts moaning loudly, his body writhing in pleasure, his hands dropping Dean's hair and squeezing on the sheets. Dean lifts Cas's legs from the back of him thighs, exposing him pink hole, Dean’s tongue licks down Cas’s testicles and perineum, so without prevaricating he surrounds the ring gently but purposefully. If Dean thought Cas's groans were delicious before, now they are downright obscene. Dean folds it almost in half and begins to attack it seriously, his tongue licking, circling and penetrating, saliva glowing on the tanned skin of Cas's perfect ass. Cas groans and screams and Dean thinks he can enjoy only the sounds he is making, one of the fireman's hands descend quickly to squeeze the base of his cock to rid him of the feeling of pleasure that could end this before actually starting.

Dean walks away only for a second to open the drawer of the bedside table, but uses so much force that the drawer falls to the floor. He curses softly as he bends over to look for the mess that has spread across the carpet on the floor. Cas moans pathetically for the abandonment of the sensation, but soon Dean finds the lub and a condom.

Dean attacks Cas again with his tongue, while he manages to lubricate his fingers, his clumsy hands letting the gel fall on the sheets, but at the moment he doesn’t care at all. He could dirty the whole room, for all that matters. Cas is in his arms, they belong to each other at last.

His index finger surrounds the hoop of the blue-eyed man and he slowly inserts the digit, finding almost no resistance. Shit, Cas was so relaxed that his body was accepting Dean with ease and he is so sensitive and responsive, moaning at length, begging for more.

One finger turns into two, and two in three and a pinky fingertip, and Cas now practically slaps in Dean's fingers and it hot as hell.

Dean manages to put the condom on, but then he is being thrown back on the bed by Cas's, the librarian's legs wrapping around Dean’s waist as a sly smile plays on his lips.

" I always wanted to be a cowboy." Cas says biting his lip, and damn, this is too sexy. Cas is being passive yes, but from that moment, all power belongs to him.

He holds Dean's dick to point in the right direction and descends slowly, and is hot, tight and delicious. The green-eyed man thinks he can die at any moment now, and he will be eternally grateful. Anyway, Dean is completely inside Cas and they moan in unison. Cas starts to mount him then, slowly, but deeply. Cas body rises until the tip of Dean's penis is almost out, but then he comes down hard, the impact of their bodies creating a wonderful noise echoing through the room.

The rhythm is set, and soon Cas is riding seriously, riding Dean and moaning like a porn star, his hoarse voice doing unspeakable things to the fireman's psyche. Dean knows his cock is hitting Cas's prostate if the loudest sounds and wide-eyed ecstasy are any indication. Dean's hands clutched at Cas's thighs helping him to ride, Dean's hips rising to find Cas's movement in the middle, then they advanced to a furious, hard, fast, dirty rhythm.

Cas screams, and unexpectedly so without even being touched Cas come, his body spasming as pearly jets cover Dean's chest. Dean had never seen anything so beautiful. The look on Cas's face will be recorded have been etched into Dean's mind for the rest of his life. Cas softened on top of him and Dean turned him to lie on the bed, shifting they position. He arranges Cas's legs, separating them to pursue his own release.

 

Dean doesn t resist and pushes hard, and only a few strokes are enough for him to be spilling once, twice, three times into the willing body of the man he loves. The minor shocks to orgasm are delightful. He grunts and screams and bites Cas's shoulder like a desperate animal and is the most liberating sensation he has ever felt in his life.

"I love you. I love you so much." Dean speaks gasps on Cas's sweaty neck. Dean's heart seems to want to jump off from the chest.

Cas is smiling, his face still stuck in that expression of delightful ecstasy.

Dean kiss Cas again, this time with softness and kindness.

"I'll never let you go, you're mine, Cas." the fireman speaks softly to the librarian's lips, between soft kisses and licks.

"I hope yes, because I'll never let you leave me."

(***)

**One year later.**

 

Dean is nervous but unmistakably happy. He is waiting for his groom to join him so that both can be together in the altar. There are flowers everywhere, and little princesses with flowers in their hair stand on the rug waiting for the blue-eyed groom to join them so they could spread the petals of red roses for the ground.

Dean is near the altar, the microphone in his hand, his heart racing. He'll do it. He'll do it because they deserve this day to be the beginning of the best years of their lives, he must publicly tell everyone that their love is the best thing in their hearts and that like any person in love with the other, they have the right to express themselves, to be respected and happy.

As Cas approaches, Dean's heart rumbles in his chest. Everyone gets up and that's the signal for what Dean needs to do.

The violin begins to play softly, the sweet notes echoing the melody of Ed Sheran's Think Out Loud. Dean Winchester begins to sing, but in his mind there is not a thrill-eyed audience. It's just him and Cas and it's for Cas that he's singing.

**When your legs don't work like they used to before** ****  
And I can't sweep you off of your feet  
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love  
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks

**And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70** **  
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23**

Castiel reaches for him, hand entwined with Dean's, his eyes watering as he smiles softly.

**And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways** ****  
Maybe just the touch of a hand  
Oh me I fall in love with you every single day  
And I just wanna tell you I am

They foreheads touch, but Dean doesn't dare close his eyes. He wants, he needs Cas to know how infinite love is, and how much more he gives it, he has more to give. It's not even logical, but it's just how things are.

**So honey now** ****  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
Maybe we found love right where we are

This beautiful wedding is theirs. It's all very classic to tell the truth, a perfect garden wedding in the middle of the summer, not because Dean likes of the opulence or being the center of attention, but because it is Cas's dream and he intends to realize each one of Cas's dreams.

**When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades**  
And the crowds don't remember my name  
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm  
I know you will still love me the same

**'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen  
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory**

He hears the whispers of the guests and looks around for just a moment, the joy and excitement in the face of his family is a comfort. Mary has tears in her eyes and John is all proud and austere, but Dean sees him sniffing and trying not to cry. Sam is clearly wiping away a couple of tears that have fallen.

**I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways**  
Maybe it's all part of a plan  
I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
Hoping that you'll understand

**But baby now**  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart  
I'm thinking out loud  
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh

Castiel and Dean and more than half of the guests are crying now. It's one of the most exciting moments of they life and it's beautiful. Dean reach up Sam and whispers playfully "Don't cry at my wedding, Samantha." Sammy tries to control his laughter, but everyone around they smiles together. Cas gives a little elbow, but he is smiling and crying with joy.

 

The officiant begins the ceremony and they exchange vows and the rings, Dean swears that he not cried with emotion, but there will be dozens of photographs and videos proving otherwise.

When they say yes, yes, yes, yes and they exchange the kiss to seal the wedding, the heart of the fireman accelerates like the first time they kissed. He had no idea he could be so happy. He had no idea how much feeling could exist within him, and that he still had the ability to grow more and more with each passing day.

A cold wind passes by Dean and then the whole scene seems to freeze before him, even Cas's smile is inert, as in a photograph, a paused video.

Dean notices the movement to his left and sees a small man standing with one hand at his waist and a smile at the corner of his mouth. There are huge wings on their backs, but they cross the guests as if they were immaterial or they were not part of that plan. He's dressed as a janitor, a squeegee in the other hand. His hair is brown, somewhat long and hazel eyes shine with wisdom that could only be acquired in ages.

"You surprised me, human. I don't regret having granted your heart's desire."  The wing man speaks smiling. God, was that the genius? The fucking genie of the lamp?

"And I'll always be grateful for it. Your happiness is such that I can hardly deal with it. I could vomit in my mouth if I hear any more loving nickname being exchanged for you and Castiel. But, if I am sincere, your happiness is so powerful that you could feed me for another hundred millennia and I would never be hungry again. Castiel's grateful prayers are a joy, however."

Dean is astonished.

"Are you going to set me free of the curse now? And how did you stop being that awful thing to become this?" Dean asks, pointing in a vague gesture to the celestial-looking being in front of him. If he believed these things, he would almost swear that a genius was an angel, but angels don't dress as janitors and certainly don't conjure a huge red lollipop out of nowhere.

"I like your daring, you have balls." the genius smiles. He looks up, his face calm as if he felt the sunlight penetrating his skin, the lollipop hanging from his mouth leaving one of his cheeks like a squirrel's cheeks.

"So, Dean Winchester, there are things you don't know about. Here, however, I make a promise to you: I will serve you and your progenie as long as they are pure and good-natured, and I will instruct them when it is necessary, and I will smite them, if it be needful, that they may not take a wrong way, and will bless their name through the ages. This is my blessing"

Dean feels something inside him, warm and sure.

"Thank you, genius." Dean finally says. He knows he doesn't really need words, this damn genius knows all about Dean, even what Dean himself doesn't seem to know about himself.

"I'm Gabriel." he says smiling, snaps his fingers and disappears.

 

Soon everything returns to normal, and Dean realizes that his life will be like that, wonderful and blessed as long as he lives. A "thank you" seems very little, but that's all he can offer. Cas kisses him and soon he is lost in joy again, because this chance he received, he wouldn't lose for nothing in this world.

 

(***)

**One year later**

 

Castiel and Dean are expecting twins. A boy and a girl. Charlie, the sister Dean never wanted to have, but love unconditionally, is their surrogacy. The pregnancy happens without complications. They buy a house on the lake and set up the most beautiful bedroom that two babies could have, with children's decorations from classic rock bands to Mary Grace's side, and the firemen's theme to Oliver's side. They decided that they should both share the room at least until the age of seven.

If Dean thought he was already the happiest man in the world, it was nothing compared to the time when Mary Grace and Oliver were born. He didn't know that he could love so much until his demanding and spoiled children came into the world.

He has a family with Cas.

_My children. My husband. My house. My happiness._

 

(***)

**In another timeline, during the antiquarian fire.**

 

Castiel is sitting in the rocking chair, singing to Ethan. The baby is the most perfect thing in the world. He is sweetly singing Sweet Child oh Mine when a wind blows inside the room making his body shiver.

When he looks up, a man stands, his hand on his waist, gigantic white wings of angel stretched across the entire length of the room.

Castiel is not really scared. He was taught by his parents that back years ago, there was a Nephilim in the lineage of his family. A disobedient angel dared to fall in love, and his child lived a quiet life hidden by the Castiel family for two centuries, until a army of angels found and killed him. The Nefilim's father, Gabriel, still felt grateful that for two centuries his son had learned to love, to smile, and he was extremely happy, although for the life of angels, it was an extremely short passage.

From time to time Gabriel appears to visit and bless them, to keep the promise that he would protect and care for his son's family as long as there was grace in his being. He knows this Castiel well, they get on strangely well. Gabriel visited him three times in his life and saved him from early death in two of those times.

"He's dying Castiel, and I had to be seen by him as a genius, half-demon, sort of the strangest and stupidest thing in the lamp, because in his crooked mind it was easier to believe in an imbecile story of Aladdin twisted than in angels The heavens know he distorted everything he saw, I probably looked ridiculous in his eyes, but darling, I'm a good actor.

Castiel's heart beats like drums.

_No, no, no._

He knows it's Dean. He knows Gabriel is talking about Dean because Castiel made him promise that he would take care of Dean as well.

"Castiel, all he wants is to have you back. Not now, not as he is, drunk and depressed, but as before, when everything was easy and simple. He wants a clean slate. You asked me once that I will not do something like this without your permission, because this life will disappear, but you will remember everything, although the emotions for you will be faded, somewhat dormant, to him things will just be like blinking eyes and appear in another life.You'll remember your marriage, your child, this life, but it all ends now if you say yes. "

Cas's arms tighten around Ethan.

"You will not lose Ethan, however, and this soul is destined to be your child, in whatever time and space you occupy. Allow me to make the last desire of this life of Dean Winchester?"

Cas cries looking at his baby. He can’t lost Dean. He's going to have Ethan back. How to know that this time Dean will do the right thing? What if Dean doesn't do anything again, what if he shut up again?

"He will not." Gabriel responds to thinking. "He's going to do everything right this time, Castiel. I guarantee that. I scared him too much." The angel smiles wickedly." Ethan will belong to you two now, and perhaps more than one soul is destined for your progeny in this new plan. Time is running out Castiel. You have to decide now."

Cas kisses his son's forehead and whispers. "I love you, come back to me soon."

"Do it, Gabriel." Cas says without looking at Gabriel as the world around him crumbles into fragments of endless white light.

(***)

**Present day**

 

Cas and Dean are cuddled in bed. Outside it rains and thunders. They are intertwined fingers and kiss lazily.

"I need to confess something." Cas says and Dean turns his full attention to the blue-eyed man.

"I know everything, Dean." Dean frowns. He has no idea what Cas is talking about.

"Everything that?" Dean asked confused.

"Gabriel is an angel, he made himself genius of the lamp in that other life, when you were dying and brought us back in time to do things right. He's like that, full of tricks, but he's been protecting my family for years, and all I asked of him was to take care of you. He said that you would not accept the idea of an angel so he took some creepy form of some nightmare of yours and made the wheels spin. I don't regret it for a second for saying yes to both of us. I've never been so happy.”

Dean takes time to process all that information. Angels? Tricks? Cas remembered about before and never said?

"There is no such thing as before, my love." Dean decides he doesn't care. "There is not a moment when I want to remember where we aren't happy and a world where you aren't mine. What matters is the here and now, what matters is we, together, as long as we breathe."

Cas's eyes are filled with emotional tears.

"I love you, my brave firefighter. Forever."

"I love you, my nerd librarian. Forever."

 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
